I never knew my maternal grandfather. When I try think of him the image that comes to mind is that of his namesake, my Uncle Dinny. I was so delighted my uncle made it to my launch in September but saddened to say now that he died a few weeks ago. So, I'm not sure if this poem is about him (indirectly as a guiding character) or my granddad himself, though they were, in the end, quite different men - though great musicians both. I can see no immediate place for this poem in terms of work I am currently writing. I decided, in any case, to add here to have it available somewhere as a standalone piece, though it throws up a somewhat complex range of emotions. In any case, here it is.
*
Wild Cherries
In Memory of Denis
O’Brien
i. Prelude
You were a man I never knew
and never will – one whose life
mine depends upon, yet you are ghost
to me, grandfather, dying far away
across the sea before I was born,
fading like all others to an imagined past
that I will never understand or fully grasp.
ii. 'The Rath'
O’Brien’s Bridge and the stony fields,
the lands your father and his brothers ploughed,
their lasting mark upon the landscape
of their birth to leave their old life behind
with the promise of a better future
in this newly-minted Nation: a good holding
far from the wild Atlantic shore
and the winding roads of County Clare,
a farm in north county Dublin, Kilsallaghan,
as much country
back then as the lands
your father had come from, its soil
dark and rich and good, but too little of it,
in the end, for all his sons to prosper by.
Young you left and went to the city.
iii. Uniform
My mam said you looked as smart
as a policeman in your dark navy uniform,
the JJ&S insignia on your cap marking you
employee of John Jameson & Sons,
Whiskey Makers since 1781, a good job
by any measure as you led your dray horses
down along the banks of the Liffey and on
to the docklands where the barges waited
with their cargo of amber, ready to move
this seemingly inexhaustible bounty
to the four corners of town and country.
iv. Music
I will never know your gait or manner
or how you held yourself as you walked
into a room or pub, though I heard once
that you could set the place alight with talk
or your playing on the fiddle, a Woodbine
browning your fingers at the tips as it burnt
down to a butt, a pint of Guinness and a Jemmie
on the table before you as you played reels
and jigs at the barroom or kitchen session,
these places where happiness found you, music
your one true gift to those you tried to love
though sometimes failed, you sliding then into the well
of drink and the sinking regret that fell over you,
stumbling home late below the Harvest Moon
rising above the rooftops of these regimented streets,
no crops to be gathered in this over-filled place,
just to walk and walk and never reach home,
the darkness and the dark thoughts descending again
as if the very stars had died and dimmed to silence.
v. Exile
You were not one
spoken of often
as though something
unspeakable had happened
to cast you in
shadow; perhaps that day you laid
an envelope of
money on the kitchen table
and told my grandmother
that she’d never see
or hear from you
again – the poor woman,
her nerves already
gone – then hugging my mother
in the scrap-filled
yard, telling her
what an elegant
young woman she was
and why couldn’t
her younger sister be like her,
ladylike and
well-mannered in all her ways
instead of a
tom-boy staying out late
and chasing boys
twice her age.
Gone,
half the children
were sent to relatives in the Rath,
my mother, the
eldest, left to raise the rest,
stealing from her
the hope to go on in school,
though she never
said a bad word against you.
It was just how
life was, she said, in the tough
trenches of the
1950s, getting by day to day,
depending on the
kindness of neighbour
while working long hours
in a sewing factory,
half her siblings
more like cousins in the end,
big-boned men like him and
country in their ways.
And so, grandfather, you chose your exile
the day you left
that envelope on the table
leaving for
Manchester on the morning ferry
to work the
building sites and never come back,
taking digs in Levenshulme, your fiddle sold,
and dying there at
sixty in the deep of sleep,
though three of
your sons by your side by then
at least, returning
you safely home by night
so that you could
be laid to rest, finally, in Irish soil
- the year Kennedy
died.
vii. Memory
I try to fill the gap with fragments, anecdotes
and clues, though no concluding image comes
to mind to complete my rag-tag picture of you.
How we each pass with our dying breath into
the foreverness of forgetfulness – like the land
you once walked with your brothers so many years before,
the hope you felt out there in the wide open fields
fading now to a monochrome photograph
of another time, a different place; and the stories
that may yet still await to add again your human face
to those gathered around the family fireplace:
this partial and imagined portrait I try make for you
– grandfather I never knew.